Colton's Birth Story

Well....we are starting to realize that I may never carry a baby to full term. It seems my pregnancies all end in a very 'dramatic' way. This time, though, our little blessing is doing very well in NICU. We know our sweet Tinlee is looking out for us and watching over her little brother. We wish she were here to enjoy Colton with the rest of us. I'd say that Colton has the sweetest guardian watching over him and rooting for him to get well. 

I'm going to try my best to remember the details of the 3 days leading up to Colton's birth, but so much has happened I may miss something. On Wednesday, October 16, I woke up about 3am from a dead sleep having major cramping. It quickly went away and then several minutes later it would come back. I just figured it was Braxton Hicks contractions, so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but they just kept coming. I got up that morning and still wasn't feeling well, but I got ready and went to work anyway. I was at work for about 2 hours and my pains just kept getting closer together. I knew Colton was ok because I had felt him move all day long. I just wasn't sure what the pain was. I ended up leaving work and going to the hospital, just to be checked, because of my history. What most people don't know at this point is that my parents were headed to Kansas City to see me brother for the weekend and we didn't want to stop them from going, so we decided not to tell anyone we were going to hospital because we felt it was no big deal. We just thought I was dehydrated and that I'd be sent home. Once we got to the hospital, Dr. Sellers wanted to run a test on me to see if I was going in to pre-term labor. Everyone thought it would for sure come back negative. A couple hours after the test, Dr. Sellers came walking into my room and quickly wanted to see if I was dilated and wanted to do an ultrasound because my test was positive. Sure enough I was dilated to 2cm and 90% effaced. I immediately panicked because this was the same thing that happened with Tinlee when I went in to the hospital and I was sent home and I lost her 4 days later. Things started happening pretty quickly at that point. Dr. Sellers did an ultrasound to check Colton and found out he was head down and already dropping pretty quickly. He looked good though...his heartbeat was good and strong. They started giving me medicine to stop the contractions that I had been having all day and also gave me a steroid shot to help Colton's lungs just in case I had him early.  At this point I was having contractions every 5 minutes. We decided to call our parents and let them know what was going on. We really thought they would get my contractions to stop and once I got stable I would be transferred to the high risk floor until I delivered. That was an incredibly long night. My contractions started getting better and Dr. Sellers wanted to leave me on monitors all night and if things were better by morning then I would change rooms. By Thursday morning, my contractions started coming back Dr. Sellers wanted to get a High Risk Doctor to come over and do a High Risk Ultrasound on me and see if he could tell what was going on. That ultrasound showed Colton looked perfect and my placenta looked great. At that point my contractions were like 3 minutes a part and I think I was still dilated at 2cm and this time I was 100% effaced. They wanted to try one more medicine to try and stop contractions. This one was a shot every 30 minutes if I could keep my heartrate low enough. Let me tell u... I was so stressed at that point that it was very hard to keep my heartrate under 125. After 2 sets of shots I started feeling better. We really thought it had worked. Our family and friends started leaving the hospital and I was finally going to get to eat. I remember getting up to go to the bathroom and at that time my contractions came back and I had about 5 contractions in 5 minutes. It was about 8pm Thursday night and I was in sooo much pain. I walked out and told the nurse that I was really hurting. I was ready for someone to tell me that I was having this baby (even though I wasn't ready to have him) and to get an epidural. Aftery nurse 'checked' me.. I was dilated to 6cm and she could feel his head. She finally told me we were having this baby tonight and I could FINALLY get an epidural!!!!! I was glad someone finally told me that we were having a baby, but I broke down crying because I didn't want my baby to on ventilator. I didn't know anything about preemies and I didn't want my baby to have to go through all of that. 

I immediately got my epidural and started trying to relax and rest some. We were really hoping that we could hold off for about 20 more hours before delivering in order to get the 2nd steroid shot for Colton. I got the epidural around 8:30 pm and we sent the rest of our family and friends home for the night. Around 1100 pm the nurse checked to see if I was dilated anymore and sure enough I was complete. Little Colton knew something was about to happen and he wanted to get out of there!!!!! They called the doctor in and we were ready to start pushing at midnight. They had the NICU team in there and ready to get Colton. The plan was when he came out and cried that the doctor would hand him to me for a second and then the NICU team would take him away. We started pushing and in between pushes the doctor would talk to me and try and get me to relax. There were some laughs and some tears. About 20 minutes in to my pushing my doctor looked at me real serious AND told me to push him out NOW!!! So I pushed, but not hard enough. He told me to do it again, but still wasn't hard enough. Then he told everyone to look at the ceiling and he was going to cut me and get him out. All the sudden I had the biggest urge to push and I did and out came Colton with the tiniest little cry you have ever heard. Everyone in the room busted out in tears. I asked Dr. Sellers what happened and he said he'd tell me later. He quickly handed Colton to the NICU doctor and not me and I knew at that point that something happened. Everyone, except Dr. Sellers, left me and went over to where Colton was. Let me pause here and say that we allowed everyone that was in the room for Tinlees birth to be in the room for Colton's birth, even our dads. However, the dad's were behind a curtain ;) Once everyone walked away I asked Dr. Sellers what happened and he said Colton's heartrate had already dropped in the 50s because my placenta was detaching again. I about fell out when he told me that. He also said he was about to take me for emergency C-Section. So when we say this little guy is a blessing, he truly is our little miracle blessing. 

I didn't want to have him early and kept asking God why can't I have a normal delivery??? Once again, I need to trust more that God is taking care of us. It is very possible if I didn't deliver that night and if I went home that the same thing could have happened to Colton. I literally cannot let my mind go there. With that said I was never ever stable enough to be discharged anyway...

I'm sitting here at the hospital holding my sweet baby now and my heart is just smiling at the joy and happiness he has brought us. He has no idea how many people are praying for him and how loved he already is. He also has no idea how many people want to meet him. We truly cannot wait until he is stable and strong enough for everyone to meet him. 

We are so very thankful for all of the support we have received during my labor and delivery and while Colton is in the hospital. We still need prayers for our little guy that he will eat better so we can go home soon. It's awful tiring coming to this hospital everyday. We love each one of you and hope to be back to a normal life soon. 

"For this child I have prayed, and The Lord has granted me the desires of my heart". I Samuel 1:27

Ready for Our Happy Ending

    I haven't updated on our pregnancy in awhile and I've had a lot of people ask how things are going. Things are going good but about to get very busy!! We are seeing Dr. sellers every 2 weeks now. We saw him yesterday and baby Colts heartbeat was 155. Very good and strong heartbeat. He's measuring a little big and momma isn't gaining weight at all. GO FIGURE THAT!! Lol..... My dad just doesn't believe that at all!! Haha.....We go for a growth scan in 2 weeks to make sure he's measuring good and that my fluids are The right level. I'm also getting a 4D ultrasound on October 4. We are excited about that. Once I hit 32 weeks they will start doing stress tests on me and the baby to make sure baby is moving like he should be and that his heart is good and strong. My doctor doesn't think I will carry till 40 weeks... He's guessing somewhere between 37-38 weeks. He's trying to prep me and Cody for when I hit 34-35 weeks for our anxiety to kick in, because we lost Tinlee at 35 weeks. To be honest I'm trying not to think about it, but its always in the back of my head. 

   Emotionally, Cody and I are doing really good. We've gotten past some things we were dreading, like packing Tinlees things up and baby registering. I really really dreaded Registering. I wanted to go because I know baby Colt needs some things that I don't have, but I dreaded looking at all the baby stuff. But, it turned out to be a lot of fun and we ended up laughing a lot!! 

   Physically, I'm doing good. My back and hips bother me a lot, but I just try and go slow and take it easy as often as I can. This pregnancy is different because I seem to be carrying him straight out front and its pulling my back. I've finally started feeling him move!! I've been very glad about that. I was beginning to think I would never feel him move. After our 18 week ultrasound I was told that I had an anterior placenta, which is rare but not bad. It mainly meant that it put more cushion between me and the baby so I wouldn't feel him move until he got bigger. I started feeling him move around 25 weeks. And since then he hasn't stopped!! I love feeling his little kicks and feeling him roll around. Sometimes looks like a little alien in my belly doing cartwheels, but I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything. The biggest thing I want at this point is for him to be fully grown and get out of my body. I sometimes feel like his life wouldn't be as in danger as it is with him inside of me. I know many people will not understand that, but since losing a baby, I'm so nervous having a life grow inside of me. I know it's in God's hands and I trust Him, but that's my biggest fear. 

   Ok, to the good stuff!!! His NURSERY!! We hope to have Tinlees stuff completely cleaned out and put in attic by this weekend, so that my dad and Cody can paint next week. Then Cody can finish painting the furniture and I can decorate. I can't wait to see it all together. I'm doing a theme of antique trucks. We are painting the furniture black, one wall red/khaki stripes, one wall red, the others khaki, and my ceiling a light blue. I think it's going to look GREAT!!! 

   Please continue to keep us in your prayers. As we get closer and closer to the end of this pregnancy we get more and more anxious. We are so ready to hold this little guy in our arms and show him how much he is loved. It feels like we have been pregnant for 2 years;).… lol... And we are just so ready for our Happy Ending and to bring our healthy baby boy home. 

20 weeks and Counting!!!

Today I am 20 weeks pregnant with this little guy and finally things are starting to calm down and get more real. We have had so many people ask how we are doing? How do we feel that it's a boy? What are our plans with a little boy?? 

Well.....I'll start with the pregnancy update... We are doing much much better. Dr. Sellers warned me that this pregnancy would be stressful but I wasn't expecting to have this much anxiety. Ughhh.....sometimes it's just so exhausting!! Last Monday we had our high risk appointment along with our detailed Ultrasound and I have to say that since that appointment I have had a load lifted off of me. Everything went perfect with the appointment and the baby is very strong and healthy. 

Sooo.....having a BOY! Hmmm....I'm not gonna lie that when I first found out I had a very very hard time!! In my mind I am all ready for a little girl because I have everything I need. That's all I have thought about for 2 years, was having a little girl. Honestly, I think I knew deep down it was a boy, but I was still surprised. Mainly I was upset because I know that having a boy is going to make me face some things I've been dreading, like cleaning Tinlees room out and packing her things up. That's something that just makes my stomach hurt. We've known for about among that it was a boy and I'm in a much much better place. I'm excited and making plans for this little guy and can't wait to meet him and get to know him. I know now looking back that God has His hand on us and continues to prove that only He knows what's best for us!! 

We are in the process of picking out furniture and putting Tinlees items in the attic and getting out things we can reuse for a boy (which isn't much..haha). I hope to start painting within the next week and am very anxious about seeing the final outcome of the nursery. We haven't 100% decided on a name yet.... We are pretty close to deciding and as soon as we know I will announce it to everyone. 

I think that pretty much sums everything up. Please continue to pray for us. We still have along way to go and still need all the prayers and support we can get!! 

1 year journey of love, loss, and healing

        Wow!!! 1 year!!! I cannot believe that 1 year ago our lives changed forever. We have come so far in the past year and its thanks to our faith in God, our families, and our friends for loving us, praying for us, and being there for us!!! I truly do not know how people get through trials and heartache like this without that kind of support. 

        As I write this I can't help but think back to the events that were going on a year ago today!!! I know I was in shock and numb to the events of that day, but I remember thinking and even saying how are we going to go on without our baby?'.....'Are we ever going to be happy again?'......I'm not going to say its been easy because this last year has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I'm not going to say I've found complete happiness again... Because my 'happiness' has changed...but we have made it through. This past year has brought the important things in life in perspective and made me realize that worrying about 'petty' things is a waste of time. Cody and I have grown closer together and stronger in our faith. As much as I've tried to understand the 'Whys?', I've accepted I'll never know, but I've made it my personal mission in life to make sure that Tinlee's life served a purpose and that her name leaves a positive influence on others. 

       Tinlee has changed me. In some ways for the better and in some ways for the worse. I think that I will be a better mom because of what I went through with her.... Shes made me appreciate life and made me realize that I'll never take my children for granted. She's made me have to lean more on others and realize I can't do it all by myself......she's helped me become very open about my feelings and even strong enough to share our story on TV;)....In other ways the pain of losing her has made me put a wall of protection up around my heart because I don't want to hurt like that again...I seem to be constantly on edge about things and even get scared when I get around other babies because I don't want to cry or hurt for my baby....(however, this part is getting better thanks to understanding friends).                 

       Not a single day goes by that I don't think of Tinlee or wonder what her life would be like today. We should be celebrating her 1st birthday today, not sending her balloons up to Heaven. I know Tinlee has impacted a lot of people and she will continue too. That makes me proud as her mom. Her little brother will know all about his big sister and how special she was to a lot of people;). I hope he is 

proud of her like we are. 

                         

      "Dear Tinlee,

               Happy Birthday baby!! Mommy wishes she could be showering you with presents and cake today, but I know you are having a much bigger party in Heaven. I wish I could give you a big a hug and tell you how much I love you. You're going to have a baby brother in a few short months that I can't wait to tell all about you. Please know your daddy and I talk about you everyday and think about you every hour. I hope you're partying hard up there today ;). 

                                                  I love you to the moon and back,

                                                                    Mommy"

                  "Grief leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Pregnancy Journey 2nd Trimester

Hard to believe I'm already in my 2nd trimester. This pregnancy seems to be flying by... I just hope it stays that way! Physically I'm feeling pretty good. Still dealing with nausea and tiredness, but overall pretty good. Emotionally , this pregnancy has been different and emotional. I really am trying to stay positive, but its just so hard at times. I'm slowly getting more and more excited, but its an everyday struggle. I know my God is in control, but the fear of the unknown gets the best of me at times. Cody has been so good during this pregnancy and is so positive and encouraging. I'm very blessed to have him by my side. 

Next month will be 1 year since we lost Tinlee. This past year has gone by so fast!! We have grown so much and changed in many many ways!! My perspective on life and other things have changed greatly. I don't want to go into this much right now bc I want to blog about it next month. But please remember me and our families as we go through the next few weeks. Anxiety of this pregnancy plus coming up on Tinlees 1 year can be a little emotional. Thank you so much for all of the support, love, and prayers you've given to us and please continue!!!

Mothers Day

For some mothers, Mothers Day is a difficult day because either a mother has passed or our child has passed!! I miss my Tinlee everyday, but I get comfort in knowing that shes happy playing in Heaven!! I found this poem and wanted to share.

A real mom is made of more than what 

is done on Earth.

A real mom carried life, even if they

Never gave birth.

A real mom might swing her child or

Pull them in a cart.

A real mom might have only carried 

her child in her heart.

A real mom might celebrate birthdays

With presents, balloons & cake.

A real mom might decorate her child's 

Grave even when it's more than she

Can take.

A real mom is more than what is said 

On Mothers Day.

A real mom loves her child even when

They've gone away.

A real mom is always a mother,

Whether a child is alive or is at rest.

To your child, angel or not, as their

Mom you are the best.

by Leslie Matteson (4/28/11)

Our Little Blessing

          What a huge blessing Cody and I have to announce. WE ARE HAVING A BABY!! It's been 10 months since our sweet Tinlee has gone to be with Jesus. Most people know that as soon as were medically released we started trying to get pregnant again. We have known for a few weeks that we are pregnant. The first week or so I was over the moon excited about having another baby. Then the fear set in. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared!! I'm scared of losing another baby and I'm scared of feeling that pain again.  I do want to say at this point that Cody and I have full trust in God through this, but we are human and still scared. I've already had some people tell me to just not think of what happened with Tinlee. My comment to that is I don't ever want to forget what happened with Tinlee and how do you not think of it?? Some of my feelings have really surprised me, because I thought when we got pregnant that it would bring our joy completely back, but it's such a mixture of emotions and feelings. If you see me crying or looking sad, please don't think I'm not excited and happy about this sweet baby, because Im so happy and excited that I dont want anything to happen....but this pregnancy is just different and a little more stressful. Our goal during this pregnancy is to keep our excitement above our anxiety. 

         We heard the heartbeat for the first time last week and it was such a bittersweet moment. It brought back a lot of memories from Tinlee and a lot of emotions from everything combined. My doctor talked to us for a long time that morning and informed us that we will be watched a lot closer this time around. I will have a lot more tests and a lot more visits with the doctor, which we are very grateful about. He also informed us that this pregnancy will be stressful, but that it is completely normal after what we have been through. 

       I want to ask you to pray for us. We have had such an amazing support system over the past 10 months and I ask that you don't give up on us yet. Please pray for Cody and I and our entire families. Everyone is on edge with this pregnancy and we just want to all have positive thoughts. Pray that we have strength to get through this pregnancy and that everything goes smoothly and at the end we have a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat!!!! We pray that this time we get our Happy Ending!!!   

       I also want to say that I was dreading Mothers Day this year. It's still a very bittersweet day, because I miss my sweet Tinlee, but I'm excited about our new addition. Our new baby is due in December!!! Gods timing is always perfect......we get to announce our blessing on Mothers Day and we will have a baby in our arms on Christmas!! 

   

                     "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my                  

                mothers womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship 

                            is marvelous-how well I know it".    Psalm 139:13-14 (NLT)

      

Easter without my little Bunny

I haven't written in awhile now!! I've had alot of people email, text, or call to check up on us, so I thought it was time to write another post. Cody and I are doing pretty good, we are in the process of painting and doing a little redecorating to our house, so that is keeping our minds busy. I have many people ask me if we are trying to get pregnant again. So, here is the answer....YES!!! We have been reminded over the past several months that God is in control and everything happens in His time. Those of you that know me, know that I'm not the most patient person in the world;). So waiting is not easy for me. I know that our time and our happiness will come, but sometimes it's just so hard to wait. I want to take it in my own hands and start doing whatever is necessary to make everything happen RIGHT NOW!!! But that's just not how things work. The doctors keep telling us to be patient, so that is what we are trying to do;) Cody is much better at that than I am. I do struggle with questions like 'Why?'...and 'why haven't I gotten pregnant yet?'.....but I just don't know the answer. I think that Cody and I would be great parents and that we would raise a baby in a good strong Christian home....and I see families all the time that abuse their babies and yet they have 8 kids.....It just blows my mind!!!! I'm just venting some frustrations. Bottom line, I know God knows the desires of our hearts and that one day we will get a sweet blessing!!!!
Today I went shopping to get the rest of our Easter outfits. While I was in the store I walked past this mom pushing a little girl and trying to pick out her Easter dress. I literally thought I was going to lose it right there in the middle of the store. I was not expecting my reaction to be what it was. My stomach dropped and I suddenly remembered that I won't be picking out an Easter outfit for my baby, because she's not here for me to dress up. I cannot explain to you the pain and emptiness that slapped me in the face and gut at that moment. I guess I've just done my best to avoid those situations and those thoughts that when I walked up on that I just wasn't expecting to see what I saw. Uggghhhh....sometimes the pain and grief hits you when you least expect it. I dread living with that the rest of my life. Needless to say I quickly got what I needed and left.
Thanks again for everyone that keeps in touch with us and continues to pray for us!!! We have changed because of what we have lost, but we have become stronger because of what we have learned.

Life since Christmas

Well..... Life since Christmas has been busy. On our way back from our New Years trip to Kansas City we got a phone call that Codys grandpa passed away unexpectantly. As soon as we got back we were busy for about 5 days with funeral arrangements. It was a very sad time for Cody because it brought back so many emotions from losing Tinlee. It did give Cody peace in knowing that his grandpa was with his baby girl. Over the past 7 months Cody has been the one that has been strong for us.....when his grandpa passed I was the one that had to step up and be strong for him. I wasn't sure I had the strength to do that, but I did it and we made it through!!

I can't believe that is has almost been 7 months since Tinlee passed away. I feel that we have come so far in our grieving process. I have learned so many things about myself, Cody, and even others through this journey. I've gained many many friends through this journey and lost some friends due to them being uncomfortable around me. I've definitely learned to not sweat the small stuff and to not fret over petty things. We have received so many blessings through this process. I told my mom the other day that I know we have received blessings, but I'm very ready for the big blessing, and that's to get pregnant. I know it will happen in Gods time. I wish I could explain to those that do not know how I feel the desire inside of me to be pregnant, have a healthy pregnancy, deliver a healthy screaming baby, and be a mommy here on earth. Some may not like me being so vocal about my desires, but this blog is about my journey and this is part of the journey I'm on. Ive struggled with depression more the past 3 weeks than I have the past 7 months. I don't know if things are settling down more or what, but it's like an unconscious depression, if that makes any sense. One thing I know is that God has proven Himself to me multiple times lately and I know He will continue to. I was told recently that I was chosen. Chosen by God to go through this journey because He knew that others would be touched and that I could handle it  That melted my heart when I heard that. I've had people ask me just this week, "how do you do it?" "how are you so strong?". I look at them and tell them that every bit of my strength came from God. There is no way in this world that I could of done this on my own. A friend emailed me this week and reminded me of a song that made her think of me..... "He's all I need today. For whatever comes my way, He is faithful. He gives me strength today, for anything I have to face, He is able--to calm my fears and make my answers clear. He's all I need today!". I've had that little song in my head for a few days now. We may never know why things happen to us here on earth, but we do know that we have HOPE...... HOPE for happiness and many blessings to come.

The LORD will work out His plans for my life--for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. 

Psalm 138:8(NLT)

The Year 2012

   Every year at Christmas on my family's side we write a letter about our year. This year my letter was very difficult to write. I knew that I couldn't ignore how our year went because it was such a huge part of our lives. Soooo..... I will share a little bit of what I shared in that letter.

    The first 6 months of 2012 started off exciting and happy and the last 6 months ended with grieving and pain. The first 6 months started off with planning for a baby, decorating the nursery, and getting ready to welcome our little girl into the world. We were so excited about having a baby and starting the next chapter of our lives. Little did we know what the next chapter would actually be...... On July 2 our world changed when we found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat and on July 3 our worse nightmare became even more true when I delivered her. Tinlee entered the world quietly and entered the gates of Heaven laughing and having the time of her life. On July 6 we laid our little girls "shell" to rest. Those were the hardest days of our lives.
   I remember while laying in the hospital bed that I was determined that this would not be the end of my life. I told Cody that I did not want this to have a negative effect on our lives. God blessed Tinlee with us for only a short while, but her life was for a purpose. She was our daughter, granddaughter, niece, great granddaughter, cousin, and friend. I wanted this to bring us closer, make us stronger, and to make sure her life had meaning. I had no earthly idea how much her little life would impact other people. We have been so touched and shocked at the same time with how much support we have received through this journey and how big of a response we have gotten on everything we have done to honor Tinlee. We have received almost 300 pictures of how people wrote Tinlees name, 60 candles lit in memory of Tinlee on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, over 250 ornaments for Tinlees Tree, almost $5000 raised for Tinlees Top for the playground at church, and enough money donated to Children's Hospital that Tinlee will get a plaque with her name on it in the foyer of the hospital. There is also a way to tell when someone from other countries have read my blog, plus I've received emails from people that I don't know from other countries that have read our story. This is so comforting to us just knowing that our story is being spread all over the world. We pray that many lives are touched and changed by our journey.
  We have realized that we werent the only ones grieving Tinlee, but so many close to us grieved her as well. We are so thankful for everyone that has helped us cope, sat with us, babysat me (haha), cried with us, prayed for us, sent us gifts and cards, and just simple hugged us. 
   We hope and pray that the year 2013 is a fresh start that is filled with many blessings. Tinlee will never ever be forgotten and I will never quit talking or writing about her. Tinlee has changed my life, changed my view on things, and taught me about what's important. Thank you for allowing me to open up and share my journey with you. I hope we have happy news in the future to share. We wish everyone a Happy Happy Happy New Year!!!!!

Emptiness During the Holidays

     Christmas for the Dreher family was busy for the most part. I've heard several times over the last several months that the holidays are the worse. So, I put in my head that I'm just going to keep moving forward and not dwell to much on what we were missing this year. WELL....... That didn't go quite as planned. I almost think I tried to hard not to think about it that all it did was upset me more.....I'm not sure what happened but from about 2 weeks before Christmas up until Christmas Day I was so emotional and down. I felt like I struggled with fighting depression more than ever.......I did not like the emptiness and darkness I was feeling inside. In one of my bible studies it talked about how God ministers to us the most thru suffering. That hit me hard!! It made me long for the day when the suffering stops and the pain goes away. The thing that gets me thru the struggles is hope....
    Cody and I kept busy in order to keep our mind on other things. Some days it worked and other days it didn't. Everyone has been so supportive of us through the holidays and we are so thankful for the prayers, the many many cards, email messages, and text messages. Little things like that help more than you know because it's just a reminder that people care and haven't forgotten about us. I know I wrote this on my Facebook but I got a message that said "Jesus came into this world as a baby to change THE world and Tinlee came as a baby and changed OUR world". That was touching to me to think about and so very true. Jesus came into the world so that He could die on a cross for our sins so that one day we could be saved and spend our eternal life in Heaven with Him. Tinlee came into the world to show me what love is, remind me that God is in control, and to show me the true meaning of hope. She has not only touched and changed my life, but she has touched and changed many lives all over the country.
   Christmas Eve and the couple of days before were very busy. Cody and I were running all over the place celebrating Christmas with families. Thanks to a friends idea, every place we went we took a candle to light in memory of her. I'm not sure everyone was comfortable with the candle, but it was something that brought us comfort and peace, so we did it anyway. Throughout the day though we had many laughs, a few quite moments with tears, and a lot of talk about the past year and our hopes for the New Year. Christmas Day was a little different.......I had the mindset to make it as normal as possible....well that went down the drain at 3am on Christmas morning!! For some reason I woke up early and laid in bed thinking about how things should be and what other families were doing that morning with their kids........(I try not to do that often because it's not healthy, but I just couldn't help it that day)......then I got to thinking about those poor families in CT that were waking up that morning without their sweet babies and all of the other families that I know that we're hurting because of lost babies and loved ones, and I realized that we weren't alone and that our situation could be much worse. I was sort of blah all day Christmas Day. Cody and I ended up going home just the 2 of us that day for a few hours because I just didn't want to be around people. I just needed a moment just to chill and get refocused. Later that day we went to my parents before the snow storm hit to hang out until the power went out. After that Cody and I went home..... Usually the snow always makes me smile and feel all warm and cozy inside, but this year it didn't. I literally walked in Tinlee's room, pulled her Christmas outfit out of the closet (which is a first because I never get in her closet), and sat in the chair and just cried......I haven't cried that hard in a long time..... I sat there and talked to God and asked Him for comfort and asked Him to hug my baby girl for me..... Then I remembered that it was still Jesus' birthday.....and that Tinlee was having a much better Christmas than any of us here on earth and that I needed to get my sad self up and be thankful that she is healthy and happy and having a good ole time playing on the playground in Heaven. Not to sound overly spiritual, but I did get a lot of comfort in knowing she was having a party in Heaven with Jesus that day and with all the other little children that she is with. 
    I told my family that I was doing pretty good in my grieving until the holidays hit and I feel like I just kind of got put on hold. I don't feel that I went backwards, I just feel like I stood still and didn't go anywhere. Like I just went thru the motions and floated thru the holidays. Needless to say we are very very ready for the New Year. I know our problems won't go away, but it will at least feel like a fresh start. 
Someone sent me this quote and I thought it was very sweet.....

"Babies lost in the womb-Were NEVER touched by fear, they were NEVER cold, NEVER hungry, NEVER alone & importantly ALWAYS knew love"

'Twas 11 days before Christmas

This was a poem someone from worked sent me......

'Twas 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38

When 20 beautiful children stormed through Heavens gates. 

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there. 

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say,

They remembered nothing of what happened earlier that day. 

"Where are we?" asked a little girl, as quite as a mouse. 

"This is Heaven." declared a small boy. 

" We're spending Christmas at Gods house."

When what to their wondering eyes did appear,

But Jesus, their Savior, the children gathered near. 

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. 

Then He opened His arms and He called them by name. 

And in that moment was joy, that only Heaven can bring,

Those children all flew into the arms of their King

And as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

One small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face. 

And as if He could read all the questions she had,

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

Then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe. 

Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

"Let My power and prescience re-enter this land!"

"May this country be delivered from the hands of fools."

"I'm taking back MY nation. I'm taking back my schools!" 

Then He and the children stood up without a sound. 

"Come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran,

All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can. 

And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

"In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Written by Cameo Smith, Mt Wolf, PA

This poem gave me chills...... Just the thought of that moment in Heaven makes me smile. 

Christmas in Heaven

I found this poem online and I wanted to share it with you..... I feel like this is exactly what Tinlee is telling me......

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees. 

Around the world below,

With tiny lights, like heaven's stars,

Reflecting on the snow. 

The sight is so spectacular,

Please wipe away that tear. 

For I'm spending Christmas 

With Jesus Christ this year. 

I hear the many Christmas songs,

That people hold so dear,

But the sounds of music can't compare,

With the Christmas choir up here. 

For I have no words to tell you,

The joy their voices bring. 

For it is beyond description,

To hear an angel sing 

I cant tell you of the splendor,

Or the peace here in this place. 

Can you just imagine Christmas,

With our Savior, face to face?

I'll ask Him to light your Spirit,

As I tell Him of your love;

So then pray for one another,

As you lift your eyes above. 

Please let your hearts be joyful,

And let your spirit sing. 

For I'm spending Christmas in Heavem,

And I'm walking with the King!

I know how much you miss me;

I see the pain inside your heart. 

But I'm not so far away,

We really aren't apart. 

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear,

And be glad I'm spending Christmas

With Jesus Christ this year. 

I send you each a special gift

From my heavenly home above. 

I send you each a memory

Of my undying love. 

After all " love" is the gift,

More precious than pure gold. 

It was always most important

In the stories Jesus told. 

Please love and keep each other 

As my Father said to do,

For I can't count the blessings

Or the love He has for you. 

So have a Merry Christmas and

Wipe away that tear. 

Remember I'm spending Christmas

With Jesus Christ this year!

-Author Unknown

Helping Others

In an effort to honor Tinlee and bless others during the holiday season, Cody and I will be collecting items to donate to an organization in Conway called Life Choices. It is a pro-life organization that helps pregnant women in need and that also share the Gospel with everyone they help. Their website is www.lifechoicesinc.org if you would like more information about this organization. Here is a list of items they need to help these families:

• Onesies (newborn, 0-3 mths)
• Sleepers or Gowns (newborn or 0-3 mths)
• Socks (0-6 mths)
• Receiving blankets
• New bottles (4oz or 8 oz)
• Baby wash, lotion, shampoo, powder
• Disposable diapers (newborn or size 1)
• New pacifiers
• Bibs, socks
• Washcloths
• Small stuffed animals
• Box of baby wipes

They even accept gently used baby items (0-12 mths), maternity clothes, and larger baby items like strollers and swings, etc.  Also gift cards are an option and Cody and I can go purchase items to take.

We have received so much support through everyone that loves us that I wanted to extend this out to you instead of just our families. If you feel lead to give please feel free to get any item on the list and give to me, Cody, Credonna, or my mom by Jan. 1, 2012. If u live in Mississippi and want to help you can drop anything off at Pat Whitakers house. We will be seeing them over the New Year. Thank you in advance for all of your support. We pray that this will be a blessing to you as well as to the families it will help. 

Heavy Heart

    I'm so heavy hearted tonight and I just need to vent!!! I know God has a plan, but sometimes I just don't understand!! I want to say that I am deeply sorry for all those hurting right now, no matter what it may be sometimes it gets hard to trust Him when you are doubting at the same time. Im just opening my heart and being honest. My prayer everyday is that my doubts will turn into praises very soon. I'm starting to just accept that I'll never know why I lost Tinlee....however, I tell people all the time that I may not know what His plan was on this side of eternity, but I will do everything in my power to make sure I do things in honor of her to bless other peoples life so that I see the good that comes out of her little life. I will make sure that people never forget her and that she continues touching lives as long as I am living on this earth!!!! While I'm talking about this, I just have to say this.....I was told that I need to start "letting go and not do things in honor of her like she's living here on earth"!!!! I literally about blew a gasket! I think smoke was coming out of my ears! I told that person that if they didn't want to be a part of my life and anything I do for my daughter then they need to hit the road!!! Tinlee is a part of me and a part of who I am and ANYONE that can't accept that or accept the things I do can just unfriend me..... Whewww... Sorry if that sounds ugly but I just can't deal with people like that.. I feel like they are disrespting Tinlee. 
      So, to go back a couple of weeks, my trip to DC was good!! I enjoyed seeing my friend and spending time with her precious girls. They were such a blessing to be around. I told my friend that I struggled the most being around her youngest, a 3 year old!  I struggled in a good way because that's the size and age that I like to think that Tinlee is in Heaven. I would watch her play and invision Tinlee playing like that with the other children in Heaven!!
     Now for why I'm so heavy hearted tonight. The past week has been up and down for me and my family. I think we are all very ready to get thru the holidays. We know the reason and the true meaning of Christmas, but we also know that it's a special time to enjoy with family and friends and it's just different this year. We have all been trying to keep each others spirits up. It seems like every day it's a different one of us thats having a bad day. So please pray for us right now and the weeks to come. On top of trying to keep ourselves afloat I've heard of 4 other families that have lost babies in the past 2 weeks. One a miscarriage, one a stillborn that I don't know how many weeks, one at 33 weeks, and another after birth! I DON'T understand!! I don't know how to comfort these families because I'm still figuring it out myself. I want to go hug them and tell them it's not a fun journey and that it plain sucks!!! I want to tell them to rely on God, their family, each other, and their friends! I know that doesn't bring their baby back or take their pain away, but I feel that it would help. 
      Have families been losing babies like this all along? Or am I just more aware because its happened to me? Or is something wrong with the water? Ha....seriously though!! What is going on?? It seems like one bad thing after another. So many people are hurting!! My heart just breaks every time I hear of something so tragic and even though I know it's Gods plan I still look up and ask, "Why God?". 
I told someone today to tell this family that Tinlee was showing her baby girl around Heaven as we speak. If she was anything like me (bossy and voicetress) (and yes that is a word...the dictionary says it is "one who speaks what she is thinking in any given situation")... Haha.....totally me!!  Anyway, if she is anything like me then she is greeting all these little babies at the pearly gates and showing them the "ins" and "outs" of Heaven ;). Picturing that makes me proud and makes me smile!! I know my little thoughts don't bring everyone comfort but it brings me comfort. 
     This holiday season is so different in so many ways and it seems that so many people are broken this year. Please remember these families. I can't say their names, even though I'm sure they wouldn't mind, but I know they would appreciate prayer. We feel your prayers daily and we know thats what gets us out of bed and living life. Please please dont stop! Many families will be spending their holiday mornings reading the Christmas story in the Bible to their children, opening gifts, and enjoying family. Others will be visiting their loved ones at the cemetery and imagining what their Christmas would be like if things were different. Don't take your babies for granted no matter their age. Life could change in an instant. 
Sorry about the venting. I do know that God has a plan, it's just hard to understand and accept sometimes. Especially when you are being selfish and would rather have your loved one here rather than in Heaven. I know God will see me through this journey and I look forward to hearing Him say "Well done, my good child, well done. ". And then I can run into the arms of my sparkly princess ( yes I'm streaming tears down my face onto my iPad at that thought) and hug her for eternity. We are different because she was a part of our lives and we are different because we lost her and we hope that we can help others with how this has changed us. 

P.S. I hope you all enjoyed our Christmas Card. I know it was hard for some to read, but we just had to do something special this year without ignoring what has happened to us. 

"The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter"

Psalm 30:5 (The Message)

No Promises for Tomorrow

      I haven't written in awhile because believe it or not we have been super busy!! Thanksgiving was good. We got to spend it with family and that kept us busy. We did take a candle to both places to light in memory of Tinlee. The days leading up to Thanksgiving were worse than actual Thanksgiving day. There were so many tragic events that happened last week and it just made me sad because so many people are hurting. Everyone's hurt is so different but yet so bad at the same time. I think it was like 4 days in a row we got news of someone we knew that died in a tragic and unexpected way. Then one day I went by the cemetery to place something on Tinlees site and another baby girl was being buried. I sat there on the ground and kept asking God "why?" "why so much hurt and sadness?".  It brought back memories and hurt from the day we buried Tinlee. It's a pain that is so hard to describe to people unless you have lost a child. I prayed for that family and all the other families hurting and prayed that they would find comfort very soon.

      Cody's been busy hunting ( and hitting deer with my car;)), and I've been keeping myself busy with Tinlees Tree and making wreaths to sale. For those of you that have sent ornaments for Tinlee's Tree, we want to say thank you, thank you, thank you! What a blessing this has been to Cody and me. From the first day that we received our first ornament, we have been given at least one everyday. I think we have a little over 100 ornaments as of now! This has brought a little joy to our lives, a smile to our faces, and warmth to our hearts and has reminded us that so many people love us! I've been told that this has been the hardest ornament they've ever had to buy, the most precious ornament they've ever bought, the saddest and most sentimental ornament they've ever bought, and the only ornament they've ever received a blessing from buying. I just thought I would share some of the comments with you.

     I'm leaving in the morning flying to Washington DC to stay with my best friend for a few days. A much needed get away for me and some good girl time! Cody will be staying home and taking care of things at the house. I will miss him terribly but I am looking forward to seeing my friend.

     We sent our Christmas Cards out today!! I'm excited (as excited as I can be) this year about sending them out. They may not be what I hoped they would be this year, but under our circumstances I made them special. I'm sorry if it was sad, but I just couldn't ignore what happened to us this year. I will post a copy of it on Facebook in a few days.

    I want to say one last thing that has been on my heart. Through all the sad going on lately I'm reminded that we are never promised tomorrow! Live for today and HOPE for tomorrow. Love your family and never take them or life for granted. If your life is good and you have no sadness then thank God for that blessing, because you never know when that sadness and hurt could strike your family! This song had been something I've listened to a lot through my journey of losing Tinlee and I wanted to share with you the part that touches me the most. It's "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman.

"And on that day my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come, still my soul will sing your praise unending, ten thousand years and then forever more"

Blessings to all,
Stacy

Deer Widow

     Well, it's that time of year again. I'm an official deer widow :). In the past I have looked forward to this time of year because I could get some things done around the house and I would normally start putting my Christmas decorations up. This year, however, I have not looked forward to deer season. I know that Cody wanted to go and needed to go, but selfishly I wanted him to stay home with me because he's my rock right now. Cody left on Friday and that was my first night at home alone since losing Tinlee. And guess what?? I made it just fine!!!!! My parents and Cody checked on my several times that night, but I really was OK!!! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I really just kept myself busy ALL weekend by making wreaths, redecorating some things in my house, and cleaning up some of Tinlee's things that we have received over the past several months.

    I did go to Holiday House one night with my friend and that was good for me to get out. I only broke down once!! I think every other booth at these Christmas shows have something to do with babies!!! I just ignored them and walked right past, even though that was VERY hard for me to do. I did get Tinlee's ornament that night from me for her tree. I had to order it and come back later to pick it up since it was personalized. When the lady showed me the ornament with her name on it, I just started crying!!! That poor lady asked me if everything was ok.....let me pause here and say that if ANYONE asks me why I'm crying, they are about to hear exactly why I'm crying...ha......poor lady had to hear about my sweet baby that I lost, and what the ornament was for!! I know she was speechless, but I just couldn't help it!! On another note, the ornament turned out very very cute.

     So, while I'm on the subject of Tinlee's ornament. I just want to say what a blessing everyone has been that has sent ornaments. I'm so touched at the response that we have gotten on everything that we have done to honor our baby girl. This is just another reminder to Cody and I that we are not alone...that people love us and are praying for us daily, and that God continues to bless us everyday with something. Tinlee's tree is the only tree that I am putting up this year. For those of you that know me, you know that is unusualy because I have at least 2 trees that I put up. This year, I just don't have the energy to put all my stuff up. So, I'm putting Tinlee's tree and our stockings up and that's all. I'm very excited to get her tree up and take pictures for all of you to see!!! This tree will go up every year in honor of Tinlee!!
 
    I also finished designing our Christmas Card for this year. I placed the order yesterday and I am very excited to get them sent out. Obviously, I can't send them to everyone, even though I wish I could. I will post the card on Facebook once I get them sent out, so that everyone can see them.

    Just a quick update on how we are all doing. We are doing really well! God has blessed us beyond measure through this tragic event in our lives. We still have sad moments and sad days, but they are getting further apart. I don't get in her closet much, but the other day I needed to get in her closet to get my hot glue gun out, and I just fell to me knees and broke down. It's harder than I can explain to look at all those baby things in her closet that I had dreamed of using on Tinlee. Cody came in the room and hugged me. We had our little moment and then we got up and went about the rest of our day. I'm just accepting that things will be like that probably forever. I know there will always be things that trigger me. Overall, we are doing good. Tinlee's Tree has brought some joy to us and some excitement, because it's fun to see what everyone has picked out.
 
   Please please please continue to remember us through the holidays. I know we are not the only people that will be hurting through the weeks ahead and we are praying for those families that we know will be struggling as well. I just try to remember what the holidays are really about!!

Since everything here today might well be gone tomorrow, do you see how essential it is to live a holy life? Daily expect the Day of God, eager for its arrival. The galaxies will burn up and the elements melt down that day-but we'll hardly notice. We'll be looking the other way, ready for the promised new heavens and the promised new earth, all landscaped with righteousness.

2 Peter 2:11-13 (MSC)

Life As We Know It.....

Life has been pretty busy for us lately. Just wanted to update everyone on some things going on in our lives lately. We got Tinlee's headstone ordered. I feel good about getting it ordered because her 'area' will start looking better. Of course I have to do things different, so I got 1 inch rhinestones cemented in each corner to add a little sparkle and bling to it. I think it's going to look very nice. I hope to have it in by Christmas time.

This past weekend Baptist Hospital did a memorial service for those that have lost a baby there. After the service they did a balloon release and we got to attach a note for our babies on the balloon. The service was nice but pretty emotional. I did good until they sang the song that was played at Tinlee's funeral and I thought I was going to have to get up and leave. I honestly just started thinking about something else because I thought I might would lose it if I thought about it too much. This is the 2nd balloon we have released for Tinlee, but the first one that I have attached a note to. I wonder where those balloons will land and who will read my note?? And bless them when they read it because it is pretty evident that the balloon was released by a mommy that lost a baby!!!

Cody and I also got our Christmas Card picture taken this past weekend. We did a few different things so that Tinlee could be included. I will keep what we did a surprise for now though!!! It was fun taking pictures but also a little bittersweet because we are missing something special in these pictures. I just couldn't stand the thought of completely leaving her out so I came up with a way to include her. I sure hope that everything works out as I have planned!!! Haha....

Yesterday was Halloween and I was so excited about Tinlee's first Halloween and dressing her up. I already had one costume that she would of worn and all day yesterday I just kept thinking about that sweet little outfit. I loved looking at everyone's kids dressed up but at the same time I was a little sad. As others were posting pictures of their kids I was posting pics of her 'resting place' that my mom had decorated. I don't ever want to have a jealous heart, but it's so hard to fight sometimes when you see other people doing something that you should be doing as well. I pray that God makes me strong and continues to get me thru those jealous moments. I honestly avoided going home until late last night just because I was trying to forget about what I 'wanted' to be doing. I started heading home about 9 last night. Cody was behind me and I was in the car by myself talking to my dad on the phone and he asked me how my day went. I couldn't even talk...all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I miss her so much and I try so hard to be strong but it still hurts. The pain isn't as bad as it was 4 months ago thank goodness, but the pain is still there. I guess maybe it's just the holidays or 'special' days that trigger me. I have to admit that after yesterday I am very ready to get thru the next 2 months and start a new year. The year 2012 has been one that I do not ever want to repeat. I obviously can't forget it because I had many enjoyable moments of bonding with Tinlee inside of me and I have learned a lot this year, but this has been the most painful year of my life.
I hope everyone has a blessed day!!!

"For He will order his angels to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 94:11 (NLT)

Blessings

   I just wanted to drop a quick note since I haven't in almost 2 weeks. Cody and I have been doing pretty good. We just take one day at a time and keep ourselves busy. I want to say a special thank you to everyone that lit candles this past Monday night in memory of Tinlee and all the other sweet babies that left this life way to early. Cody and I lit our candle a little before 7pm so that I could get a picture online at 7pm for everyone to see. We set her picture and her candle and the candle for other babies up and then had a little quite moment just the 2 of us praying and remember our sweet baby that we miss so much. I took my picture and then sat there looking at the all the candles that were lit for Tinlee and other babies and all I could do was cry. I was so touched that so many people want to be a part of this journey. I know this is something I already know, but I think I was just reminded of how many people care for us and that we are not alone. I was so touched and my heart just melted at all the sweet comments. So, thank you thank you thank you for being apart of this.

    This week I am going to be doing something that I have been putting off for awhile because it just hurts to bad, but I am going to order Tinlee's headstone. I know I have made this statement before, but this is just something that a mother SHOULD NOT be doing. It breaks me inside, but I also know that I want her resting place to look nice and for people to know who is resting in there. I know this won't surprise anyone, but I want her headstone to be different and I want BLING on it:) I just hope that is possible when I talk to the company!! Anyway, say a special prayer for us this week as we do this, because it's hard on this mommy to have to do this.

    I have had a couple of sweet blessings this week I would like to share with you. First, I got on Etsy.com this week for the first time since losing Tinlee. I loved shopping for her on that website and bought lots of cute things on there for her and it just hurt to get back on there, but I wanted to order her Christmas stocking. I found a place that made really cute ones that look like ours and I emailed the lady and asked for a price for a medium one and told her that this was an extra special one because it was in memory of our sweet daughter that we lost this past summer. We exchanged a few emails and then I gave her my blog so that she could read our story. Within about 30 minutes she wrote me back a very sweet message about how touched she was and how she wanted to make Tinlee's stocking and 8 smaller stockings in memory of Tinlee at no cost!!! I was just overwhelmed with the generosity and sat there and cried some more!!! My second blessing this week was this.....I have been wanting to get a small cedar chest made to store some of Tinlee's special things in. I haven't really been able to find what I want that was affordable. I got the name of a guy from a friend and emailed him and asked him for a quote on a small cedar chest in memory of my little girl that I lost this summer.....The next day he wrote me back and asked me if I would allow him the honor to make a cedar chest for Tinlee at no cost!!! Once again, I sat there and cried because I was so touched!!! Believe it or not, we have had a good week even though after typing this it seems that all I did was cry:)
  
  Anyway, sorry for the long post, but everyone has been such a huge part of this journey with Cody and I and I wanted to share with you all some blessings that we have received out of this. Thank you for loving us and for being apart of this journey!!! We love all of you so much and would not be where we are today if it wasn't for your support!!

An Honor

Today after writing my blog I got a phone call from the manager at the funeral home were Tinlees service was held. She asked me if she could submit our story to the International Cemetery Cremation Funeral Associates (ICCFA) for the KIP Award (Keeping It Personal). It's an award for the most personalized funeral service across the nation. She had to write a summary of our story to the submit and I wanted to share with everyone what she wrote. It touched my heart so much and this is just one more thing that God is doing to show something me something positive out of our sad story. Here is what she wrote...I hope it touches you like it did me:

On the morning of July 4th, 2012, Diane Gardner, Manager at Griffin Leggett Forest Hills Funeral Home and Memorial Park, received a call at home from a local pastor.  His granddaughter, Tinlee, had passed away on the 3rd of July.  Diane went to the hospital to visit with the parents and extended family.  Our goal was to create a tribute fitting for a child, who while she never lived outside the womb, touched countless lives.

An invitation only visitation was held at the funeral home.  The family brought in a lot of the things from the Pinterest Pink room they had created for Tinlee.  Mom-Stacy and Dad-Cody spent time that evening just holding Tinlee and seeing how perfect she was from her head full of blonde hair to her tiny feet.  Diane took a lot of pictures so they could hold close in their memory Tinlee’s time on earth.

The day of the service was hot and sunny and PINK…everyone wore pink, the programs were pink and the flowers were pink.  We used a photo of Stacy and Cody holding Tinlee’s hand on the large screen. When Stacy arrived at the funeral home, she asked if she could holdTinlee throughout the service.  We made a few quick changes and when the family processed in thru the overflowing crowd, Stacy and Cody led the procession with Tinlee in Stacy’s arms wrapped in her pink blanket.  Tinlee’s grandfather spoke during the service and a special friend sang a song for Tinlee, all while Stacy rocked her child.

At the close of the service, Stacy and Cody led the procession out with Tinlee safely snuggled in her mother’s arms.  The family spent some quiet time together before we placed Tinlee in her tiny casket.  Stacy rode in a wheelchair with Cody pushing her, the casket on her lap, as we walked across the street to the cemetery.  Leaving Tinlee there, at the foot of the crossin Forest Hills Memorial Park was one of the hardest things her parents will ever have to do.  Not long after the service, Stacy and Cody gave Diane a “TinleeBracelet” in honor of our contribution to making her tribute a personalized moment that spoke to the guests who Tinlee was and what she continues to mean to the people she touched.