Life since Christmas

Well..... Life since Christmas has been busy. On our way back from our New Years trip to Kansas City we got a phone call that Codys grandpa passed away unexpectantly. As soon as we got back we were busy for about 5 days with funeral arrangements. It was a very sad time for Cody because it brought back so many emotions from losing Tinlee. It did give Cody peace in knowing that his grandpa was with his baby girl. Over the past 7 months Cody has been the one that has been strong for us.....when his grandpa passed I was the one that had to step up and be strong for him. I wasn't sure I had the strength to do that, but I did it and we made it through!!

I can't believe that is has almost been 7 months since Tinlee passed away. I feel that we have come so far in our grieving process. I have learned so many things about myself, Cody, and even others through this journey. I've gained many many friends through this journey and lost some friends due to them being uncomfortable around me. I've definitely learned to not sweat the small stuff and to not fret over petty things. We have received so many blessings through this process. I told my mom the other day that I know we have received blessings, but I'm very ready for the big blessing, and that's to get pregnant. I know it will happen in Gods time. I wish I could explain to those that do not know how I feel the desire inside of me to be pregnant, have a healthy pregnancy, deliver a healthy screaming baby, and be a mommy here on earth. Some may not like me being so vocal about my desires, but this blog is about my journey and this is part of the journey I'm on. Ive struggled with depression more the past 3 weeks than I have the past 7 months. I don't know if things are settling down more or what, but it's like an unconscious depression, if that makes any sense. One thing I know is that God has proven Himself to me multiple times lately and I know He will continue to. I was told recently that I was chosen. Chosen by God to go through this journey because He knew that others would be touched and that I could handle it  That melted my heart when I heard that. I've had people ask me just this week, "how do you do it?" "how are you so strong?". I look at them and tell them that every bit of my strength came from God. There is no way in this world that I could of done this on my own. A friend emailed me this week and reminded me of a song that made her think of me..... "He's all I need today. For whatever comes my way, He is faithful. He gives me strength today, for anything I have to face, He is able--to calm my fears and make my answers clear. He's all I need today!". I've had that little song in my head for a few days now. We may never know why things happen to us here on earth, but we do know that we have HOPE...... HOPE for happiness and many blessings to come.

The LORD will work out His plans for my life--for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. 

Psalm 138:8(NLT)