Cody and I kept busy in order to keep our mind on other things. Some days it worked and other days it didn't. Everyone has been so supportive of us through the holidays and we are so thankful for the prayers, the many many cards, email messages, and text messages. Little things like that help more than you know because it's just a reminder that people care and haven't forgotten about us. I know I wrote this on my Facebook but I got a message that said "Jesus came into this world as a baby to change THE world and Tinlee came as a baby and changed OUR world". That was touching to me to think about and so very true. Jesus came into the world so that He could die on a cross for our sins so that one day we could be saved and spend our eternal life in Heaven with Him. Tinlee came into the world to show me what love is, remind me that God is in control, and to show me the true meaning of hope. She has not only touched and changed my life, but she has touched and changed many lives all over the country.
Christmas Eve and the couple of days before were very busy. Cody and I were running all over the place celebrating Christmas with families. Thanks to a friends idea, every place we went we took a candle to light in memory of her. I'm not sure everyone was comfortable with the candle, but it was something that brought us comfort and peace, so we did it anyway. Throughout the day though we had many laughs, a few quite moments with tears, and a lot of talk about the past year and our hopes for the New Year. Christmas Day was a little different.......I had the mindset to make it as normal as possible....well that went down the drain at 3am on Christmas morning!! For some reason I woke up early and laid in bed thinking about how things should be and what other families were doing that morning with their kids........(I try not to do that often because it's not healthy, but I just couldn't help it that day)......then I got to thinking about those poor families in CT that were waking up that morning without their sweet babies and all of the other families that I know that we're hurting because of lost babies and loved ones, and I realized that we weren't alone and that our situation could be much worse. I was sort of blah all day Christmas Day. Cody and I ended up going home just the 2 of us that day for a few hours because I just didn't want to be around people. I just needed a moment just to chill and get refocused. Later that day we went to my parents before the snow storm hit to hang out until the power went out. After that Cody and I went home..... Usually the snow always makes me smile and feel all warm and cozy inside, but this year it didn't. I literally walked in Tinlee's room, pulled her Christmas outfit out of the closet (which is a first because I never get in her closet), and sat in the chair and just cried......I haven't cried that hard in a long time..... I sat there and talked to God and asked Him for comfort and asked Him to hug my baby girl for me..... Then I remembered that it was still Jesus' birthday.....and that Tinlee was having a much better Christmas than any of us here on earth and that I needed to get my sad self up and be thankful that she is healthy and happy and having a good ole time playing on the playground in Heaven. Not to sound overly spiritual, but I did get a lot of comfort in knowing she was having a party in Heaven with Jesus that day and with all the other little children that she is with.
I told my family that I was doing pretty good in my grieving until the holidays hit and I feel like I just kind of got put on hold. I don't feel that I went backwards, I just feel like I stood still and didn't go anywhere. Like I just went thru the motions and floated thru the holidays. Needless to say we are very very ready for the New Year. I know our problems won't go away, but it will at least feel like a fresh start.
Someone sent me this quote and I thought it was very sweet.....
"Babies lost in the womb-Were NEVER touched by fear, they were NEVER cold, NEVER hungry, NEVER alone & importantly ALWAYS knew love"
