So, to go back a couple of weeks, my trip to DC was good!! I enjoyed seeing my friend and spending time with her precious girls. They were such a blessing to be around. I told my friend that I struggled the most being around her youngest, a 3 year old! I struggled in a good way because that's the size and age that I like to think that Tinlee is in Heaven. I would watch her play and invision Tinlee playing like that with the other children in Heaven!!
Now for why I'm so heavy hearted tonight. The past week has been up and down for me and my family. I think we are all very ready to get thru the holidays. We know the reason and the true meaning of Christmas, but we also know that it's a special time to enjoy with family and friends and it's just different this year. We have all been trying to keep each others spirits up. It seems like every day it's a different one of us thats having a bad day. So please pray for us right now and the weeks to come. On top of trying to keep ourselves afloat I've heard of 4 other families that have lost babies in the past 2 weeks. One a miscarriage, one a stillborn that I don't know how many weeks, one at 33 weeks, and another after birth! I DON'T understand!! I don't know how to comfort these families because I'm still figuring it out myself. I want to go hug them and tell them it's not a fun journey and that it plain sucks!!! I want to tell them to rely on God, their family, each other, and their friends! I know that doesn't bring their baby back or take their pain away, but I feel that it would help.
Have families been losing babies like this all along? Or am I just more aware because its happened to me? Or is something wrong with the water? Ha....seriously though!! What is going on?? It seems like one bad thing after another. So many people are hurting!! My heart just breaks every time I hear of something so tragic and even though I know it's Gods plan I still look up and ask, "Why God?".
I told someone today to tell this family that Tinlee was showing her baby girl around Heaven as we speak. If she was anything like me (bossy and voicetress) (and yes that is a word...the dictionary says it is "one who speaks what she is thinking in any given situation")... Haha.....totally me!! Anyway, if she is anything like me then she is greeting all these little babies at the pearly gates and showing them the "ins" and "outs" of Heaven ;). Picturing that makes me proud and makes me smile!! I know my little thoughts don't bring everyone comfort but it brings me comfort.
This holiday season is so different in so many ways and it seems that so many people are broken this year. Please remember these families. I can't say their names, even though I'm sure they wouldn't mind, but I know they would appreciate prayer. We feel your prayers daily and we know thats what gets us out of bed and living life. Please please dont stop! Many families will be spending their holiday mornings reading the Christmas story in the Bible to their children, opening gifts, and enjoying family. Others will be visiting their loved ones at the cemetery and imagining what their Christmas would be like if things were different. Don't take your babies for granted no matter their age. Life could change in an instant.
Sorry about the venting. I do know that God has a plan, it's just hard to understand and accept sometimes. Especially when you are being selfish and would rather have your loved one here rather than in Heaven. I know God will see me through this journey and I look forward to hearing Him say "Well done, my good child, well done. ". And then I can run into the arms of my sparkly princess ( yes I'm streaming tears down my face onto my iPad at that thought) and hug her for eternity. We are different because she was a part of our lives and we are different because we lost her and we hope that we can help others with how this has changed us.
P.S. I hope you all enjoyed our Christmas Card. I know it was hard for some to read, but we just had to do something special this year without ignoring what has happened to us.
"The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter"
Psalm 30:5 (The Message)
