No Promises for Tomorrow

      I haven't written in awhile because believe it or not we have been super busy!! Thanksgiving was good. We got to spend it with family and that kept us busy. We did take a candle to both places to light in memory of Tinlee. The days leading up to Thanksgiving were worse than actual Thanksgiving day. There were so many tragic events that happened last week and it just made me sad because so many people are hurting. Everyone's hurt is so different but yet so bad at the same time. I think it was like 4 days in a row we got news of someone we knew that died in a tragic and unexpected way. Then one day I went by the cemetery to place something on Tinlees site and another baby girl was being buried. I sat there on the ground and kept asking God "why?" "why so much hurt and sadness?".  It brought back memories and hurt from the day we buried Tinlee. It's a pain that is so hard to describe to people unless you have lost a child. I prayed for that family and all the other families hurting and prayed that they would find comfort very soon.

      Cody's been busy hunting ( and hitting deer with my car;)), and I've been keeping myself busy with Tinlees Tree and making wreaths to sale. For those of you that have sent ornaments for Tinlee's Tree, we want to say thank you, thank you, thank you! What a blessing this has been to Cody and me. From the first day that we received our first ornament, we have been given at least one everyday. I think we have a little over 100 ornaments as of now! This has brought a little joy to our lives, a smile to our faces, and warmth to our hearts and has reminded us that so many people love us! I've been told that this has been the hardest ornament they've ever had to buy, the most precious ornament they've ever bought, the saddest and most sentimental ornament they've ever bought, and the only ornament they've ever received a blessing from buying. I just thought I would share some of the comments with you.

     I'm leaving in the morning flying to Washington DC to stay with my best friend for a few days. A much needed get away for me and some good girl time! Cody will be staying home and taking care of things at the house. I will miss him terribly but I am looking forward to seeing my friend.

     We sent our Christmas Cards out today!! I'm excited (as excited as I can be) this year about sending them out. They may not be what I hoped they would be this year, but under our circumstances I made them special. I'm sorry if it was sad, but I just couldn't ignore what happened to us this year. I will post a copy of it on Facebook in a few days.

    I want to say one last thing that has been on my heart. Through all the sad going on lately I'm reminded that we are never promised tomorrow! Live for today and HOPE for tomorrow. Love your family and never take them or life for granted. If your life is good and you have no sadness then thank God for that blessing, because you never know when that sadness and hurt could strike your family! This song had been something I've listened to a lot through my journey of losing Tinlee and I wanted to share with you the part that touches me the most. It's "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman.

"And on that day my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come, still my soul will sing your praise unending, ten thousand years and then forever more"

Blessings to all,
Stacy

Deer Widow

     Well, it's that time of year again. I'm an official deer widow :). In the past I have looked forward to this time of year because I could get some things done around the house and I would normally start putting my Christmas decorations up. This year, however, I have not looked forward to deer season. I know that Cody wanted to go and needed to go, but selfishly I wanted him to stay home with me because he's my rock right now. Cody left on Friday and that was my first night at home alone since losing Tinlee. And guess what?? I made it just fine!!!!! My parents and Cody checked on my several times that night, but I really was OK!!! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I really just kept myself busy ALL weekend by making wreaths, redecorating some things in my house, and cleaning up some of Tinlee's things that we have received over the past several months.

    I did go to Holiday House one night with my friend and that was good for me to get out. I only broke down once!! I think every other booth at these Christmas shows have something to do with babies!!! I just ignored them and walked right past, even though that was VERY hard for me to do. I did get Tinlee's ornament that night from me for her tree. I had to order it and come back later to pick it up since it was personalized. When the lady showed me the ornament with her name on it, I just started crying!!! That poor lady asked me if everything was ok.....let me pause here and say that if ANYONE asks me why I'm crying, they are about to hear exactly why I'm crying...ha......poor lady had to hear about my sweet baby that I lost, and what the ornament was for!! I know she was speechless, but I just couldn't help it!! On another note, the ornament turned out very very cute.

     So, while I'm on the subject of Tinlee's ornament. I just want to say what a blessing everyone has been that has sent ornaments. I'm so touched at the response that we have gotten on everything that we have done to honor our baby girl. This is just another reminder to Cody and I that we are not alone...that people love us and are praying for us daily, and that God continues to bless us everyday with something. Tinlee's tree is the only tree that I am putting up this year. For those of you that know me, you know that is unusualy because I have at least 2 trees that I put up. This year, I just don't have the energy to put all my stuff up. So, I'm putting Tinlee's tree and our stockings up and that's all. I'm very excited to get her tree up and take pictures for all of you to see!!! This tree will go up every year in honor of Tinlee!!
 
    I also finished designing our Christmas Card for this year. I placed the order yesterday and I am very excited to get them sent out. Obviously, I can't send them to everyone, even though I wish I could. I will post the card on Facebook once I get them sent out, so that everyone can see them.

    Just a quick update on how we are all doing. We are doing really well! God has blessed us beyond measure through this tragic event in our lives. We still have sad moments and sad days, but they are getting further apart. I don't get in her closet much, but the other day I needed to get in her closet to get my hot glue gun out, and I just fell to me knees and broke down. It's harder than I can explain to look at all those baby things in her closet that I had dreamed of using on Tinlee. Cody came in the room and hugged me. We had our little moment and then we got up and went about the rest of our day. I'm just accepting that things will be like that probably forever. I know there will always be things that trigger me. Overall, we are doing good. Tinlee's Tree has brought some joy to us and some excitement, because it's fun to see what everyone has picked out.
 
   Please please please continue to remember us through the holidays. I know we are not the only people that will be hurting through the weeks ahead and we are praying for those families that we know will be struggling as well. I just try to remember what the holidays are really about!!

Since everything here today might well be gone tomorrow, do you see how essential it is to live a holy life? Daily expect the Day of God, eager for its arrival. The galaxies will burn up and the elements melt down that day-but we'll hardly notice. We'll be looking the other way, ready for the promised new heavens and the promised new earth, all landscaped with righteousness.

2 Peter 2:11-13 (MSC)

Life As We Know It.....

Life has been pretty busy for us lately. Just wanted to update everyone on some things going on in our lives lately. We got Tinlee's headstone ordered. I feel good about getting it ordered because her 'area' will start looking better. Of course I have to do things different, so I got 1 inch rhinestones cemented in each corner to add a little sparkle and bling to it. I think it's going to look very nice. I hope to have it in by Christmas time.

This past weekend Baptist Hospital did a memorial service for those that have lost a baby there. After the service they did a balloon release and we got to attach a note for our babies on the balloon. The service was nice but pretty emotional. I did good until they sang the song that was played at Tinlee's funeral and I thought I was going to have to get up and leave. I honestly just started thinking about something else because I thought I might would lose it if I thought about it too much. This is the 2nd balloon we have released for Tinlee, but the first one that I have attached a note to. I wonder where those balloons will land and who will read my note?? And bless them when they read it because it is pretty evident that the balloon was released by a mommy that lost a baby!!!

Cody and I also got our Christmas Card picture taken this past weekend. We did a few different things so that Tinlee could be included. I will keep what we did a surprise for now though!!! It was fun taking pictures but also a little bittersweet because we are missing something special in these pictures. I just couldn't stand the thought of completely leaving her out so I came up with a way to include her. I sure hope that everything works out as I have planned!!! Haha....

Yesterday was Halloween and I was so excited about Tinlee's first Halloween and dressing her up. I already had one costume that she would of worn and all day yesterday I just kept thinking about that sweet little outfit. I loved looking at everyone's kids dressed up but at the same time I was a little sad. As others were posting pictures of their kids I was posting pics of her 'resting place' that my mom had decorated. I don't ever want to have a jealous heart, but it's so hard to fight sometimes when you see other people doing something that you should be doing as well. I pray that God makes me strong and continues to get me thru those jealous moments. I honestly avoided going home until late last night just because I was trying to forget about what I 'wanted' to be doing. I started heading home about 9 last night. Cody was behind me and I was in the car by myself talking to my dad on the phone and he asked me how my day went. I couldn't even talk...all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I miss her so much and I try so hard to be strong but it still hurts. The pain isn't as bad as it was 4 months ago thank goodness, but the pain is still there. I guess maybe it's just the holidays or 'special' days that trigger me. I have to admit that after yesterday I am very ready to get thru the next 2 months and start a new year. The year 2012 has been one that I do not ever want to repeat. I obviously can't forget it because I had many enjoyable moments of bonding with Tinlee inside of me and I have learned a lot this year, but this has been the most painful year of my life.
I hope everyone has a blessed day!!!

"For He will order his angels to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 94:11 (NLT)