Life has been pretty busy for us lately. Just wanted to update everyone on some things going on in our lives lately. We got Tinlee's headstone ordered. I feel good about getting it ordered because her 'area' will start looking better. Of course I have to do things different, so I got 1 inch rhinestones cemented in each corner to add a little sparkle and bling to it. I think it's going to look very nice. I hope to have it in by Christmas time.
This past weekend Baptist Hospital did a memorial service for those that have lost a baby there. After the service they did a balloon release and we got to attach a note for our babies on the balloon. The service was nice but pretty emotional. I did good until they sang the song that was played at Tinlee's funeral and I thought I was going to have to get up and leave. I honestly just started thinking about something else because I thought I might would lose it if I thought about it too much. This is the 2nd balloon we have released for Tinlee, but the first one that I have attached a note to. I wonder where those balloons will land and who will read my note?? And bless them when they read it because it is pretty evident that the balloon was released by a mommy that lost a baby!!!
Cody and I also got our Christmas Card picture taken this past weekend. We did a few different things so that Tinlee could be included. I will keep what we did a surprise for now though!!! It was fun taking pictures but also a little bittersweet because we are missing something special in these pictures. I just couldn't stand the thought of completely leaving her out so I came up with a way to include her. I sure hope that everything works out as I have planned!!! Haha....
Yesterday was Halloween and I was so excited about Tinlee's first Halloween and dressing her up. I already had one costume that she would of worn and all day yesterday I just kept thinking about that sweet little outfit. I loved looking at everyone's kids dressed up but at the same time I was a little sad. As others were posting pictures of their kids I was posting pics of her 'resting place' that my mom had decorated. I don't ever want to have a jealous heart, but it's so hard to fight sometimes when you see other people doing something that you should be doing as well. I pray that God makes me strong and continues to get me thru those jealous moments. I honestly avoided going home until late last night just because I was trying to forget about what I 'wanted' to be doing. I started heading home about 9 last night. Cody was behind me and I was in the car by myself talking to my dad on the phone and he asked me how my day went. I couldn't even talk...all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I miss her so much and I try so hard to be strong but it still hurts. The pain isn't as bad as it was 4 months ago thank goodness, but the pain is still there. I guess maybe it's just the holidays or 'special' days that trigger me. I have to admit that after yesterday I am very ready to get thru the next 2 months and start a new year. The year 2012 has been one that I do not ever want to repeat. I obviously can't forget it because I had many enjoyable moments of bonding with Tinlee inside of me and I have learned a lot this year, but this has been the most painful year of my life.
I hope everyone has a blessed day!!!
"For He will order his angels to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 94:11 (NLT)
