Many people have asked how we are doing emotionally and how I am doing physically. My response is always "I'm ok!!". Physically I am doing great!! Praise the Lord!!!!! It's been a rough couple of months for my poor body, but I am feeling so much better now that I have in a long time. My weight is down to less than it was before I got pregnant with Tinlee, which has been a combination of my gallbladder surgery and just stress in general. Emotionally we are doing "ok"! This week has been a better week for us than last week. Last week I started back to work and it was emotionally and physically draining for me. Going back to work is good for me because it keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of things for a little while, and it gets me back into a routine of life. It was just hard because it wasn't what we had planned for when I started back to work. I was suppose to be taking Tinlee to childcare and Cody was suppose to be picking her up and spending the evening with her just the 2 of them!! He was so excited about that time with her because he knew she would of been a Daddy's Girl!! So instead of doing what we had planned, I was going to her burial site and spending time with her there before I went to work. I get comfort and peace going to visit her there. It makes me feel like I am doing something for her as her mommy. Cody and I have our good days and bad days. Being at home by myself in the mornings is rough on me because I start getting sad and missing her, and then Saturdays and Sundays are rough on me. Saturday's were the days we were suppose to be together as a family and hanging out in our pajamas and being lazy and Sundays was the day that I was going to get her all dressed up in her dress and hair bows and take her to church as a family. I looked forward to all those moments and now I know that I can't do any of those and it hurts when I think about it. Someone told me that what I am mourning and grieving over are the "dreams" I had with her. And he was right.....the moments that I hurt the most are when I am thinking about what we could be doing with her at this very moment. So when I start thinking about those moments and getting sad I try and think about where she is right now and that gives me comfort. I know she is safe and happy and sweet Tinlee will never feel the hurt and pain that we feel on this earth. I'm very jealous of her because she is experiencing something in her life that I have dreamed about and always wondered about. She is in Heaven and happier than she would ever be here on earth!!
I want people to always remember Tinlee and I want her name to have a positive impact on other people's lives. I can promise you that I will never stop talking about her and doing things to honor her. She was my baby girl...my sweet daughter....and I could never not celebrate her precious life. Please don't ever be afraid to hug us ask how we are doing!! It's comforting to know that people are still praying for us and haven't forgotten about us. Some people tell us that they don't want to upset us by mentioning her, but I promise you that Tinlee is on our mind 24/7, and hugging us will not upset us!!! We realize that people go on about their lives and we understand that, but we are trying to figure out how to go on with our lives without our baby girl. We know God is taking care of us and we know that He has great things planned for us!!!
Many have asked us what our plans our now. Well, our hearts desire is to have children and make our family bigger. Our plan is to try and get pregnant as soon as we can. My doctors have all released me, so we are just leaving it in God's hands. Through this entire journey that we have been on we have been reminded that things don't always happen how we have planned, that it's in God's timing. So, Lord Willing....God will let us conceive a child in the near future. God knows the desires of our hearts and we know that He will provide in His timing.
God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove
true.
Psalm 18:30
