Ok.....so one thing I have wondered is what are babies in Heaven? I have actually been asked this many many times through this experience. It's a question that you don't think about much until something like this happens to you. I don't think that she is a baby in Heaven, but what is she? I know here on earth nobody knows the "real" answer to that. Some people think we are all around the same age, some think there are children and adults in Heaven. For my own peace of mind, I like to picture her has a small toddler girl with blonde ringlets running around and playing with the other children and sitting on Jesus's lap. I know in the Bible it says how much Jesus loves all the little children (yes, I know that is a song as well), but I like to think of her in that way.
Another question that I have struggled with is why?? why babies?? why let me carry her 35 weeks and then take her away?? The only answer I can come up with is that there is a reason. I'm not sure I will ever know that reason on this side of eternity...but I wonder that quite often. Someone told me that Tinlee would not of touched as many people if she was not around for 35 weeks. Tinlee's life was for a purpose and as long as I am living I will always make sure that her life is remembered and honored so that she continues to touch lives for years to come. That's my comfort!!
I have had to turn some of my selfish questions into "What am I suppose to learn from this tragedy?" I have to try and quit asking God "WHY?" and start asking Him "WHAT NOW?". If I keep asking why? (which believe me, I still struggle with this one) then I will keep going backwards.... I know we will find our happiness in life again. We are starting to see happier days, but we still hurt so bad at the same time. Cody and I tell each other that Tinlee would want us to be happy. She would not want us sad and depressed. We are not sad and depressing people and our Hope is finding that joy again in our lives, and I know that we will one day!! OUR STORY ISN'T OVER...WE WILL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!!!!
Well, I am off to the cemetary to put flowers on Tinlees resting place!!! I still have a hard time saying those words, but it's a part of my life now.........HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!
"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you".
Matthew 5:4 (MSG)
